On the Raising of Fathers

Tags

children, fatherhood, Fathers Day, imperfection, spiritual fathers

Let’s get this out of the way at the very beginning. There are no perfect fathers, just like there are no perfect children. That could be the end of the blog post right here. In fact for some of you, “father’s day” doesn’t exactly fill your heart with warmth. It may even bring back pain, anger, grief and hurtful memories. And yet, allow me share a bit of my personal story with you.

I was fortunate to be raised, and influenced, by three wonderful men who played tremendous father figures in my life. My birth Dad, my Uncle whose family I spent fourteen wonderful years from third grade on, and my Uncle’s brother in the USA whose family pretty much adopted me from the moment I landed in the USA for graduate studies. All three of these men played roles in my life, most of which I did not understand until I became a Dad myself. 

All my Dads taught me more about sacrifice and grace in motion, than I could possibly hope to learn by myself. And this was all before I had ever read a single word of my ’spiritual guides’ like Vivekananda, Sri Aurobindo, Yogananda, Ramakrishna, and more. Perhaps I was too busy taking notes in my heart about what my ‘real Dads’ were trying to teach me with their lives. Over the years, one by one, they all went to the eternal flame, as all mortals do. In their passage, they each left me with a hidden challenge —  to keep their flame in motion in the world around me. 

I became aware of the challenge when I was presented with the gift to raise my own. In the process, In raising her, I gained greater understanding that I was really raising myself in small ways every day. Could my daughter be raising me through direct experience of empathy, kindness and listening? Could it also be that the tough challenge of raising me had helped raised my Dads in some way? 

Psychologists stress upon the critical role of ‘fathers’ in their children’s lives, but what if the ‘fathers’ are resentful or afraid of the role presented to them? It is hard enough for willing and dedicated Dads to ‘do raising right’, so one can imagine the challenges of those who feel unprepared or unwilling.  In such cases, could the role of ‘raising’ be done more effectively by teachers, mentors, willing relatives, spiritual guides and more? 

There are no easy answers, because no matter how much we talk about ‘simplicity’, life is messy and complicated. The best advice that I got from my Dads was that they gave very little advice, if any at all. They left the door open for me to figure it out on my own  because they had no way of forecasting what I would be facing when doing my own ‘raising’. If anything, my Dads’ best ‘advice’ was in the kindness with which they all treated their family, friends, guests, and those who asked them for help.

The older I get, the wiser my Dads’ life lessons seem to get. I have a ways to go on my journey, and yet I know that they, and my guides, are raising me up every time I stumble and fall. I also know that there is a loving energy in the universe that raises you too. I hope you believe the same. 

Namaste,

Kumud

P.S. Join our #SpiritChat community in our weekly twitter chat, Sunday June 20 at 9amET / 630pm India. We will talk about Fathers, imperfections, and raising each other on our path. I will bring the usual goodies and questions. I hope you join us – @AjmaniK

 

The three who raised me… they show up often in nature…

On Living the Dream

Tags

children, dreamers, dreams, living, living well

I rarely ever dream any more at night. Or at least, I can’t remember the last time that I dreamt while sleeping, let alone what I may have dreamt about. Some would wonder — how is that possible? Why did you stop dreaming? 

Let me answer that question by engaging in some wordplay. What is a DREAM? Or rather, what is the invitation of a D.R.E.A.M?

A Dream is one that which gives us a Desire, a Directive, a Determination to Delve Deep within ourselves and connect with the Divine. 

A dReam is one that reminds us to Reflect, Renew, Re-heart and Re-establish our Resolve to create a purpose which is much bigger than ourselves.

A drEam is one that Excites, Energizes, Enervates and Elevates us to heights that manifest the potential of the divinity within us.

A dreAm is one that Activates us to take Action for the betterment of All — and reminds us that All encompasses All things, regardless of their current state of Awareness.

A dreaM is one that is a fountain of inner Motivation and inspiration, an invitation to Magic and Mystery, a connection to our perpetual Motion Machine fueled by Meditation, and serves as the Mother of all dreams.

In retrospect, perhaps I don’t dream while I am sleeping any more, because I am immersed in living a new D.R.E.A.M while I am awake. My dreaming has expanded to ask questions of myself every single day. Am I connected to the Divine? What do I Remember? What is the best use of my Energy? Do I Act for the betterment of All, including myself? What is the Motion of my life and living?

My invitation to you is to stop talking about dreams and dreaming, and start living them new. If we are to truly live, let us engage a new dream that is so wide and deep and high, that we will need the help of our family and friends, our neighbors, our communities and the Divine Universe, to make our D.R.E.A.M be birthed from darkness into the reality of light. 

What may this new dream look like to you? Here is what it looks like to me. #IHaveADream that my daughter and all in her generation inherit a world that celebrates them for who they truly are, for their infinite divine potential to be loving, kind, compassionate and peaceful.

Will you help me live my dream and make it a reality? Will you perchance dream again, and choose to live It?

Kumud

P.S. On this day, as I begin another revolution around the Sun and I smell spring in the bouquet of flowers as I write, I invite you. Join me and share your dream as I host the #SpiritChat community on twitter for our weekly conversation, Sunday January 17 at 9am ET / 730pm India. Yes, there will be chai and treats, and who knows, maybe even some cake 😉 Namaste – @AjmaniK

 

I share with you, a bouquet of dreams – what’s your favorite?

The Spirit of Children

Tags

children, spiritchat, spirituality, youth

On Friday October 11th 2014, the Nobel Peace Prize committee announced that the 2014 Peace Prize would be shared by among two individuals – 17 year old Malala Yousafzai of Pakistan, and 60 year old Kailash Satyarthi of India. Crossing boundaries of nations, religions, age, and many more, the spotlight was put firmly on the spirit of these two individuals, and their respective works and actions towards the cause(s) of children.

No matter how old or young we may be at this point in our life, we have all been through childhood. Some of us manage to retain our childlike spirit into our adult years. Those of us who have children of our own, work with children, or are engaged in children’s causes, are fortunate to see some of that dynamic spirit – upfront and firsthand in our daily life and activities. Even though they may be physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and otherwise disadvantaged, even the most fragile children somehow manage to project a spiritual intensity and resilience that apparently defies explanation.

In addition to the inspiration provided by the courage and spirit of Malala Yousafzai, to children and adults across the world, the stories of Helen Keller and Anne Frank also come to mind. In their time, they were perhaps equally representative of the spirit of the children of their time. While it may be difficult to do a head-to-head comparison of the respective impacts of these three as they span across generations and societies, it is perhaps useful to examine the common underlying threads of their personality, their character, their spirit… One common thread that emerges is that their courageous actions all emerged from what would appear to us adults as unsurmountable challenges… But, they knew and felt something within – an intensity of spirit – that made them continue on their path.

So, where does this spiritual intensity come from? Do all of us have this same or similar intensity as children? If so, what happens to diminish it in some of us as we grow older in age? What can we learn from the actions of those who operate with this intensity? How do we obtain a good measure of this intensity? When it grows weak, how do we renew, revive and reestablish this childlike spirit within us? What is its connection to our inner voice?

I invite you to share your thoughts on this topic in our weekly conversation on twitter – Sunday, October 12th at 9am ET / 1pm UTC / 6:30pm India. If you have any resources that can shed more light on this topic, please share in the comments.

Thank you, and Namaste… I salute the childlike spirit within you!

Kumud

The Spirit of ‘Mothers’

Tags

children, mothers, spirit, spiritchat, yang, yin

September 28th marked the beginning of a nine-night Indian festival which honors the power of the feminine spirit in the Universe. So, as I contemplate the topic for this week’s SpiritChat discussion, my thoughts are drawn to the influence of all the ‘feminine’ spirits in our lives. 

It began, of course, with my Mother. And my grandmothers. And my sisters. And my aunts and many other relatives who I interacted with growing up. Then came the influences of women teachers and students. Some of these influences were very strong and some of them were weak. However, they were all influences that moved me forward on my path.

They helped me  develop the ‘yin’ (feminine) side of my personality, and balanced the ‘yang’ (masculine) forces that seem to dominate our world today.

To know the masculine, and to be true to the feminine, is to be the waterway of the world.

~ Tao Te Ching, verse XXVIII, by Lao Tzu

It is not to say that the spirit of the ‘men’ who influenced me did not help enhance my connection with the ‘yin’ forces of nature. The qualities of silence, compassion, devotion, loyalty ~ to name a few ~ were learnt by me equally from my  ‘mother’ and ‘father’ influencers.

In the interest of narrowing down the discussion, I invite you to come and share your experiences of the influence of those who exhibited Mother-like qualities ~ on your Spirit. And, if you happen to be a Mother, or are in a ‘mothering’ or ‘caregiving’ role (yes, I’m also talking to you, Fathers :-)) ~ your influence in that role on the ‘children’ in your lives. 

Before I close, I will be remiss if I don’t mention the influence of my wife, in her role as a mother, not only on me, but on the daughter that she raises in front of my eyes. It has been my privilege to observe this mother-child interplay unfold in front of me ~ what a tremendous blessing!

Please join us to kick off the discussion on Sunday October 2nd at 9am ET / 1pm GMT in a scheduled chat on twitter with the hashtag #SpiritChat or via tweetchat.com on the web.

The morning discussion will be followed by an evening discussion at 7pm PT / 10pm ET and flow into the week. I realize that there are many social and cultural interpretations of the roles of a ‘mother’ ~ perhaps we can discuss a few.

I have roamed from country to country, keeping Her in the core of my heart. Around Her have risen and fallen, the growth and decay of my life.

~ Gitanjali, verse LXVI, by Rabindranath Tagore

P.S. If you are unavailable for the twitter chat, please share your thoughts in the comments below. What does the word ‘Mother’ mean to you?

What is a childlike spirit?

Tags

children, spirit, spiritchat

Here is the wisdom of the #SpiritChat community ~ as they answered the question ~ What is a childlike spirit? (from the weekly #SpiritChat discussion on Sunday September 18th 2011). Enjoy.

Do add your thoughts on the question in the comments section below. Thanks!

@ajmanik: Q1. Let us begin ~ What are the characteristics of a ‘childlike’ spirit?

@EmeliaSam: Childlike spirit is completely open. They have a willingness to learn & unquenchable curiosity.

@authenticpower: experiencing everything with fresh eyes and no judgement

@kentuckyliz: The power of pretending – I love the power of imagination in children!

@CJaneBe: A child views the world with curiosity and wonder.

@azmomofmanyhats: A spirit of awe, irreverence, curiosity, innocence, honesty

@kentuckyliz: Un-self-conscious love. Children are very free with their hugs and cuddles.

@DTNEtiquette: unbiased, welcoming, trusting without agenda, eager for the next adventure…

@lindahollier: Awe, openness, totally in the moment.

@jackiehesley: Open Mind. I teach kids to hula hoop. They grab the thing and spin. Adults have a million stories why they cant do it.

@gracinginfinity: ability to use senses that disappear w/age.Sense of wonder,sense of mystical,sense of energy beyond matter,sense of love 4 all

@Simon_GB: Childlike’ spirit is open with no preconceived thoughts of disbelief.

@authenticpower: presence of wonder, absence of fear

@CJaneBe: Children carry less baggage, have fewer preconceived notions based on cultural norms. They see the world with fresh eyes.

@CJaneBe: Zen mind, beginner’s mind. Krishnamurti speaks to thinking for ourselves, without cultural bias. Children do that naturally.

@EmeliaSam: Childlike spirit is unblemished. No judgment. No bias. No fear. Open to all possibilities.

@jackiehesley: Kids are THE connection to the spirit world.

@CJaneBe: Chidlren haven’t yet been ruined by education, nationalization, institutionalized racism.

@carryitforward: Child like state is our true nature – open, non judgmental, curious, radiant, unattached to outcome

@gracinginfinity: there is wisdom in children that we can’t fathom. I remember AWE and “odd” thoughts I had as a child.They have begun to return.

@LadyBJane: We love to learn from kids. They are the truth and the light.

@Simon_GB: Childlike spirit-To believe in the unbelievable, find joy in the simple things in life, 2B free within their own mind

@CJaneBe: Kids are prelapsarian–before the fall

@authenticpower: Children’s souls are transparent and shining. We learn to cover our souls as we grow.

@CJaneBe: Children live in the moment. They have little past and little worry for the future.

@yourpocketguru: Children haven’t been domesticated yet! We have & we can forget at any moment & go back to being a Kid at heart

@EmeliaSam: Children are our reminders of how to live but we insist on acclimating them to this world.

@Simon_GB: Adults can find their Childlike spirit, just need to believe, let go,be free from your ego,free of mind.

@GrandmaOnDeck: The spirit of a child is awesome-you can see it in their big, wide open shiny eyes.

@gracinginfinity: amazing how we can see “old souls” i have 2 daughters i think is old soul & other 2 kids younger souls

@LadyBJane: Children ARE spirit. Pure and clean.

---

Here is a full summary (RTs and @ replies removed for easier reading) of the twitter #SpiritChat report from September 18th. Enjoy!

The Spirit of Children – SpiritChat Topic for Sun Sep 18

Tags

children, poetry, quotes, spirit, spiritchat

A great man is one who has not lost the child’s heart

                            ~ Mencius (372-289 BCE)

We all have experienced the pure joy of being with children ~ whether they are ours or other people’s. There is something about their innocence and purity of Spirit that reminds us perhaps of our own purity and innocence.

I have often heard, and I believe it to be true, that “Children are our Future”. And indeed they are. As a parent, I have developed a great appreciation for the fact that we need to do whatever we can to give them the best environment possible that preserves their innocence and gentle spirit for as long as possible.

This was confirmed to me this week, in perhaps the busiest week of my professional career in a while, in the midst of all the great things that were happening, through this dialogue with my daughter as I got her ready for school.

As breakfast approached on Friday, I asked her, “What do you want for breakfast sweetie?” She thought for a second, and then said, “How about toast?” I know she loves butter on toast., but, I asked anyway ~ “What would you like on your toast?”

Without hesitation, she said “How about YOU on toast Dad!”

I couldn’t help but smile. She must have seen something in my face, perhaps the accumulated weariness of the week gone by, and she wanted to make me smile. My immediate response was ~ “But that’s silly! I won’t fit on the toast!”.

And she said ~ “It’s OK Dad. Just put butter. But, I Love You!”

A simple fifteen second conversation had put my whole week in perspective. My mental exhaustion disappeared in a flash ~ and it took the tender spirit of a child to teach me a great lesson: The ones we Love, particularly children, can always make us smile 🙂

So, I am inspired to invite all of you to share in this coming week ~ let us talk about the “Spirit of Children”. Their uniqueness, their lightness, their radiance and their Love.

Please join us to kick off the discussion on Sunday Sep 18th at 9am ET / 1pm GMT in a chat on twitter with the hashtag #SpiritChat. The morning discussion will be followed by an evening discussion at 7pm PT / 10pm ET and flow into the week.

I leave you with a brief poem by William Wordsworth (1770-1850) titled My Heart Leaps

My heart leaps up when I behold

A rainbow in the sky;

So was it when my life began,

So is it now I am a man;

So be it when I shall grow old,

Or let me die!

The Child is the father of the Man;

And I could wish my days to be

Bound each to each by natural piety.

Kumud