On the Raising of Fathers

Tags

children, fatherhood, Fathers Day, imperfection, spiritual fathers

Let’s get this out of the way at the very beginning. There are no perfect fathers, just like there are no perfect children. That could be the end of the blog post right here. In fact for some of you, “father’s day” doesn’t exactly fill your heart with warmth. It may even bring back pain, anger, grief and hurtful memories. And yet, allow me share a bit of my personal story with you.

I was fortunate to be raised, and influenced, by three wonderful men who played tremendous father figures in my life. My birth Dad, my Uncle whose family I spent fourteen wonderful years from third grade on, and my Uncle’s brother in the USA whose family pretty much adopted me from the moment I landed in the USA for graduate studies. All three of these men played roles in my life, most of which I did not understand until I became a Dad myself. 

All my Dads taught me more about sacrifice and grace in motion, than I could possibly hope to learn by myself. And this was all before I had ever read a single word of my ’spiritual guides’ like Vivekananda, Sri Aurobindo, Yogananda, Ramakrishna, and more. Perhaps I was too busy taking notes in my heart about what my ‘real Dads’ were trying to teach me with their lives. Over the years, one by one, they all went to the eternal flame, as all mortals do. In their passage, they each left me with a hidden challenge —  to keep their flame in motion in the world around me. 

I became aware of the challenge when I was presented with the gift to raise my own. In the process, In raising her, I gained greater understanding that I was really raising myself in small ways every day. Could my daughter be raising me through direct experience of empathy, kindness and listening? Could it also be that the tough challenge of raising me had helped raised my Dads in some way? 

Psychologists stress upon the critical role of ‘fathers’ in their children’s lives, but what if the ‘fathers’ are resentful or afraid of the role presented to them? It is hard enough for willing and dedicated Dads to ‘do raising right’, so one can imagine the challenges of those who feel unprepared or unwilling.  In such cases, could the role of ‘raising’ be done more effectively by teachers, mentors, willing relatives, spiritual guides and more? 

There are no easy answers, because no matter how much we talk about ‘simplicity’, life is messy and complicated. The best advice that I got from my Dads was that they gave very little advice, if any at all. They left the door open for me to figure it out on my own  because they had no way of forecasting what I would be facing when doing my own ‘raising’. If anything, my Dads’ best ‘advice’ was in the kindness with which they all treated their family, friends, guests, and those who asked them for help.

The older I get, the wiser my Dads’ life lessons seem to get. I have a ways to go on my journey, and yet I know that they, and my guides, are raising me up every time I stumble and fall. I also know that there is a loving energy in the universe that raises you too. I hope you believe the same. 

Namaste,

Kumud

P.S. Join our #SpiritChat community in our weekly twitter chat, Sunday June 20 at 9amET / 630pm India. We will talk about Fathers, imperfections, and raising each other on our path. I will bring the usual goodies and questions. I hope you join us – @AjmaniK

 

The three who raised me… they show up often in nature…

On Fatherhood and Spirituality

Tags

fatherhood, fathers, spiritchat

The third Sunday of June is observed as Father’s Day in North America – a holiday which focuses attention on the role of fathers in society. Father’s Day is also be observed across the world at different times of the year – as a celebration honoring fathers and celebrating fatherhood, paternal bonds, and related influences and influencers. One may imagine that any relationships with our fathers (and father-like figures), and our roles as fathers (or those we may influence in a paternal manner), come with some built-in complexity.

The role of “fathers” goes beyond mere biology (and perhaps even beyond the “male”) – paternal figures can be relatives, friends, and of course, spiritual guides (or masters). Many religions and their scriptures have very powerful “father” figures who have very high influence and importance through scripture and tradition. In addition, there is the role of those who do double-duty in maternal and paternal roles in families. Our thoughts also go out to those who may have lost a paternal influence recently, and may be healing. Or one who may have lost a child, and hence may be trying to re-discover their paternal role in life.

It is indeed a big task to discuss the spiritual influences of our “fathers” – or our paternal influence on others in a short conversation on twitter. Some questions that come to mind are – What kind of influence did your paternal figures have on you? Did you receive any influence at all? Did you benefit from that influence or was it a detriment to your growth in life? Are you in the role of a paternal figure or influencer for someone? Are you passing on a spiritual legacy to them? How do ‘unresolved’ or ‘unhealed’ paternal issues affect our spiritual progress? Do you feel that these issues need healing for you to move ahead spiritually?

I invite you to join us in our weekly #SpiritChat discussion to share your thoughts on “Fatherhood and Spirituality” on Sunday, June 16th at 9am ET / 1pm GMT / 2pm UK / 6:30pm India. Thank you.

Kumud

Update: Here are the questions asked during the chat. Enjoy, and feel free to answer in the comments… The full transcript and statistics are available at http://bit.ly/sc-tr-0616

Q1. What feelings/emotions does the word “father” invoke in you? #SpiritChat

Q2. What qualities did your father pass on to you that have helped you the most in life? #SpiritChat

Q3. Do you think you are a paternal influence on others? How so? #SpiritChat

Q4. What advice would you give those seeking paternal influences in their lives? #SpiritChat

Q5. Did your father convey his spiritual beliefs to you? How did that affect your spiritual growth? #SpiritChat

Q6. What is the connection between forgiveness and fatherhood? #SpiritChat

Q7. What do you think your paternal influencers could have done better to help your spiritual growth? #SpiritChat

Q8. Say a few words – to those you influence paternally or those who influence you as Dads? #SpiritChat

SpiritChat – June Conversations

Tags

fatherhood, forgiveness, friendship

The month of June has been an incredible month for our SpiritChat discussions on Sunday mornings. We discussed three significant topics – forgiveness, friendship and fathers (and paternal relationships). In the first week, we discussed the spirit of forgiveness – what it means to us, how we practice it, why it is important for spiritual growth, how we can continue to be mindful of forgiveness.

The second topic for June was the spirit of friendship. This topic addressed the importance of us developing an attitude of friendship towards all, and how that influences our spiritual growth. One takeaway question from this discussion was:

How do we develop an attitude of friendship towards those who may have hurt us?

The third Sunday of June is celebrated as Father’s Day in the USA and some other countries. So, we discussed the role of fathers – as birth parents, as paternal influences, as spiritual influences – in our lives. I learnt from our Mother’s day discussion that any discussion about parental figures is always a tough one for many folks, and the spirit of Fathers discussion was no different. A lot of folks shared openly, and I believe that many folks learnt that sharing their experiences helped others deal with their own experiences with their paternal figures.

So, that brings us to the final Sunday in June – a Sunday that finds me back home after being traveling on a family vacation with my brother and his family who were visiting from India. It was a wonderful time – a whirlwind of sightseeing in multiple cities on the East Coast – before spending a few days back at my home. I learnt a lot about forgiveness, friendship and paternal roles (and many other things) during this wonderful time together with my immediate family 🙂 We will talk more about family and freedom in July.

As has become sort of a tradition, the final Sunday of the month is when we look back at the month’s discussions, weave them together, and lay the ground-work to look forward to the month to come. So, I invite you to join us in SpiritChat on Sunday, June 23rd at 9am ET / 1pm GMT / 2pm UK / 6:30pm IST to reflect on the month of June and plan for the month of July.

Be well. Be love. Be still.

Kumud

P.S. If you have topic suggestions for July, or suggestions for a guest to appear on the chat, or would like to write a guest blog post, please leave a comment. Thank you!

Update: Here is the html transcript http://bit.ly/sc-tr-0624 (8am to 11am ET) and questions – thank you to all who shared in the review of June topics! Some stats – 1602 tweets and 215 contributors. Thank you all!

Q1. Why is the practice of forgiveness essential for spiritual growth? Good #SpiritChat

Q2. Why is it easy to forgive some and difficult to forgive others? #SpiritChat 

Q3. What is the connection between forgiveness and friendship? #SpiritChat

Q4. What kind of shared spiritual values are the foundations for a great friendship? #SpiritChat

Q5. Fathers are our first friends - agree or disagree? Was it true in your childhood? #SpiritChat

Review Q6. What has been the area(s) of your biggest spiritual advance(s) in the first half of 2012? #SpiritChat

Final Q7. What action steps will you take in July to keep moving forward on your spiritual path? #SpiritChat