Unearthing Our Gifts

Tags

awareness, discovery, gifts, giving, healing, receiving

“Dad. Look. The sky is yellow!”

After four straight days of heavily overcast skies, which really felt like forty by the fourth day came around, there was a sliver of a break on Friday morning on the way to school. I was looking to the west to see whether the full moon was still up, and instead, towards the East, between two trees on a farm, there was the Sun in all its glory blazing out from a break in the cloud cover. The underbelly of the dark gray cloud cover was being painted by the rays in the soft yellows that she exclaimed about.

Less than ten minutes later, as I set off for my Friday walk in the school’s trail, cloud service had been restored and the Sun’s remaining slivers cast golden streaks on the pond where the geese and ducks were maneuvering their way in the water as they tried to make space for the new flocks landing in from several directions. The play of light and shadows is very different as the Sun rises behind a mix of dark and light clouds which serve as natural filters for the observant traveler. The gifts that the eyes unearth are unique, as one sees things in silvery light that are hidden by the blaze of an unfettered, golden sunrise.

A beautiful gift it was, just like the gift of the clouds yielding the night before for a fraction of an hour, to reveal the gift of the full moon in all its silvery December glory, hanging like a brilliantly lit Christmas ornament defying gravity in the firmament.

Many of the gifts within us are perhaps similar in nature, unearthed only when we face long periods of overcast skies, storms, and the like – aren’t they? And thus, we of the human spirit, rarely stop waking and walking, remembering to do what we can control, and let what will be, be. Is it not true that as we look back on what seemed to be seemingly insurmountable odds against us in some of life’s moments, that we often unearthed gifts of strength, courage and resilience that we scarcely were aware of?

Can you think of moments where you were in so much pain and grief that you thought that your life would never be the same again, and yet you managed to heal and even smile again?

If yes, I invite you to write a few words about that experience. What gifts did you unearth, both within and without, in those moments of great personal challenges? In addition, are there any gifts you have unearthed, in moments of great joy and celebration? Are there also some gifts that we can unearth in moments when we aren’t residing at the opposite states in our life, when we are in relative equanimity? What may these gifts be?

By the time I came back home from my walk, the clouds had finally decided to move on for good, and the Sun had resumed shedding its golden light everywhere, including on the chair by the front window where I sat and wrote this blog post. The forecast was for rain later in the day, overcast skies for the next few days, but it didn’t matter. I had been reminded that the play of light and shadows and nothingness affords equal opportunities for me to unearth the gifts of my choosing.

How about you? What gifts will you choose to unearth in this season of your life?

Kumud

P.S. Join us for our weekly community gathering and chat on twitter in #SpiritChat, Sunday Dec 11 2022 at 9amET / 2pmUTC / 730pm India. We will unearth some gifts together, and maybe share a gift with someone. Namaste. @AjmaniK

Walking the land, unearthing gifts in every step…

Moments of Silence

Tags

awareness, healing, memories, silence, spirituality

The dog sitting by the screen door, watching the heavy rain falling on the deck, as the storm finally arrives, and then leaves quickly.

The stars emerging slowly and showing off their light as the moon is yet to rise.

The rising sun emerging from behind the clouds in the distance, and the lingering of the moon fading in its light.

The drops of overnight rain sitting on new leaves that emerged over the past few days.

The pair of geese escorting their newborns through the lake, teaching them to feed themselves as they go.

The two turtles sunning on a bed of reeds by the shore as the geese swim by.

The rush of white flowers on the wild bush that I almost cut down last year because I thought it was too close to the fence.

The stillness of the dragonfly caught by my camera as I went to take a closeup of said white flowers.

The eyes that welled up, and stayed so, during many of this week’s meditations.

What are some recent moments of silence you have experienced? How did they affect you? What kind of energy did they create within you?

So much of the condition of our heart and mind is affected by the energy that we experience in our moments of silence. Many of these silent moments, particularly those in nature, tend to catch us unawares. These are often the moments that tend to bring us great joy.

However there are other personal moments, planned and unplanned, which force us into temporary silence. The impact of these moments on us is so strong and deep, that we revert to silence to process their energy. These are often the moments of grief, sadness, anger, and even bitterness.

Regardless of our physical and emotional response to the positive or negative energy brought about by moments of silence, there is much that we can learn from them. If we make space for the silence, pay attention to the timing of their arrival, we can honor the message of every such moment.

With greater awareness of the moments of silence happening around us and within us, our hearts and minds have the opportunity move towards greater peace, equanimity and stillness. As a result, we can emerge from every new moment of silence with renewed strength and resolve to take actions for the greater good of all.

Kumud

P.S. Join us for our weekly twitter chat with the Spiritchat community, Sunday May 29 at 9amET / 1pmGMT / 630pm India. Please come and share some moments with us, as we reflect on the power of silence to heal us. Namaste – @AjmaniK

P.P.S. The USA observes ‘Memorial Day’ this weekend, to honor those who ‘gave their all’ for the country. We also mourn the many innocents, including young children, taken by gun violence in the past week. May they Rest In Peace. Peace. Peace.

A moment of silence… in the company of a dragonfly

On Mothers and Beyond

Tags

celebration, healing, mothersday, not hers, spiritual practice

If you live in North America, you are most probably well aware of the significance of the Mother’s Day holiday, which falls on the second Sunday of May (May 8 2022). To be honest, despite living in the US since 1986, I wasn’t much aware of this holiday until about 2010. My awareness probably coincided with my becoming a parent myself!

Over the years of hosting Spiritchat on Mother’s Day, my awareness of the role of Mothers, and the range of emotions that this holiday evokes, has grown tremendously. I used to wear magenta-colored glasses (my birth Mom’s favorite color!) about the all-loving role of Mothers towards their children, and about children towards their mothers. The people of Spiritchat have taught me that there can be a lot more to the Mother-child relationship than the predominance of love and joy.

I am grateful for the education. The truth is that there are many who have never felt the love of a birth mother, and had to find the ‘Mother’ role in another female, or sometimes, male figure in their lives. I have learn that, yes, the ‘Mother’ and mothering role can extend to aunts, sisters, grandmothers, teachers, and sometimes even to neighbors, nannies and maids.

I have also learnt that all too often, there is very little education and training of ‘how to be a mother’, particularly in a society where the majority of households are a ‘nuclear family’. Where does a new birth-mother find good role-models, particularly if their own experiences with their birth-mothers have been filled with pain, anxiety, lack of warmth, and more? How do we break this cycle of ‘mother-child dysfunction’ if we want to have a good chance to raise thriving future generations?

We often jest that there is no ‘guidebook’ to parenting – you are supposed to learn as you go! While that may have some truth to it, we can do better. What if we were to raise the value of the role of the ‘Mothers’ significantly higher than what we currently assess it at? We can debate about the ‘how’ of doing this, but unless we know the ‘why’ to do it, we won’t get out of the starting gate, will we? One small thing we all can do, and it doesn’t incur much cost, is to educate ourselves about the current contributions of those in Mother roles in our societies.

Here are some numbers for the USA. There are an estimated 85 million mothers in the US. In 40% of households, Moms are the sole or primary income earners. 80% of single parents in the US are mothers. 56% of working mothers have children under the age of 18. Hopefully, these statistics give us an idea of the extent of the contribution of Mothers to US society. What do the numbers in your country look like?

I know that I am far out in left-field from what I had initially intended for this post to be about. But, as often happens, the heart’s current is driving my fingers as I type, and so, here it is. Mothers Day. A day for remembrance, for healing and forgiveness, for awareness, for empathy that will create compassion which will translate into action. What will we do and/or be as individuals, as societies, as the world, between this Mothers Day and the next one? That is the question I am considering. How about you?

Will we be inclusive and have loving understanding of those who aren’t Mothers, and may choose not to be one? Will we pause for a moment and send love to the Mothers of the disappeared and the ones who lost their Mother figures over the last year, so that they can heal and hope? Will we give thanks to the Universal Mother whose grace and abundance flows to us constantly, whose kind gaze soothes us like the coolness of the moon, and whose loving light warms us in every sunrise and sunset? What else can we celebrate about those without whom love and life itself would not be possible, in this, our temporary home of a physical body, as we walk our path towards our permanent abode?

Thank you, to all my Moms. I am fortunate to have had many who filled that role, and continue to do so. My gratitude for all of them knows no bounds. Namaste.

Kumud

P.S. This was supposed to be a short post. Oh well! Do join us for our weekly twitter chat with the #Spiritchat community, Sunday May 8 at 9amET / 1pmGMT / 630pm India. If you would, bring a memory of your Mom (or your kids if you are a Mom :)) to share. I will bring some tea and cookies, and maybe a question or few 🙂 – @AjmaniK

Mother Nature… grateful for her omnipresence

Spiritual Trust by @womenandbiz

Tags

healing, spirituality, trust

Spiritual Trust by Elisa Balabram

The last few years, and what has transpired this year abroad, have caused many of us to reconsider our lifestyle choices, and to renew our connection to our deepest values. The year 2021 was named The Great Resignation, with millions of people leaving their full-time jobs in the United States.

Making decisions like leaving one’s home country either by choice or by inflicted conditions, or moving to a new city or state, or changing careers, or pursuing a different degree, or embarking on new relationships or adventures, all require a great deal of spiritual trust.

As we plan to take a leap into the unknown ourselves, by moving from the east to the west coast, the invitation to trust has been showing up on and off for several months in our lives. It has taken time to come to the decision of letting go of a somewhat secure situation, and to fully surrender and take the leap into the unknown. Yet, we decided to go for it.

There are so many unknowns regarding the path forward, and the only way we can do it is to trust. Trust that the universe has our backs. Trust that once we leap, even though we cannot see clearly now, the net will appear. Trust the support system available to us. Trust in each other. Trust in ourselves.

Join #SpiritChat this Sunday for a conversation on spiritual trust and leaping into the unknown.

– Elisa Balabram (@womenandbiz)

Please join Elisa as she steps up to host our weekly #SpiritChat on Sunday, March 27 2022 at 9amET, and share your stories about trust ~ thank you for hosting, Elisa! – Kumud

Nature can teach us a lot about trust… and growth

On Spiritual Grounding

Tags

centering, equilibrium, grounding, healing, spirituality

This post was written on the day after the invasion of Ukraine in 2022. Like many of you, my heart and mind is having difficulty processing the events as they unfold. Reviewing my daily ‘grounding practices’, which are part of my broader meditation practice, is helping me return to some sense of equilibrium. Writing heals me, so I share these thoughts with you in the hope that they are somewhat healing for you too. Namaste.

The Friday morning walk around the lake went quicker than I had anticipated. On a fresh sheets of ice that fell overnight after all the snow had melted over the past few days, I walked with slow measured steps. Even though the path is familiar to me, and my muscle memory stands me in good stead, I learnt quickly not to step into the gray, for those are the thin ice areas with water underneath them.

As I walked the lake’s periphery, I wondered how I would cross the small valley that separates the East-facing section of the path from the west-facing one. The answer came as I was pleasantly surprised by the sight of the small, familiar, slightly broken, but still crossable bridge over the vale. As I started to cross over, the bottoms of the tall bushes entwined my feet, and the tops wrapped their arms around my chest through the heavy coat. I could not see much, what with the snowflakes whirling around in the breeze that carved icicles on my cheeks. I cannot explain it, but I did wonder – was this similar to the cold that those escaping the war half a world away were feeling? Who was giving them warmth and safety?

And yet, standing on the bridge lightly, holding my breath for a bit to absorb it all, shifting my attention to the earth as it began to flow all its love upwards through my feet, I felt a deep sense of grounding. All the cold and the gray and the starkness of the sunless winter morning dissolved around me. I even felt a momentary sense of warmth in connection with my core. The earth has a way of doing that to you – literally and emotionally and spiritually grounding you when you return to it. Have you felt such a grounding lately?

Yes, in the midst of our harsh winter days, it is hard to imagine that the sunflowers of spring will be here soon enough. And yet, from past experience, we know that they will. In the midst of the callous cowardice of those drunk on the desire for conquest, it is hard to imagine that courage and goodness still exist. And yet, from experience, we know that they do. In the midst of life pulling the rug from underneath our feet, it is hard to comprehend that the earth, the ground still exists. And yet, we know that it does, for we sit and stand and walk on it every single day, drawing energy and sustenance from it.

Let the sunflowers bloom within us. Let us plant their seeds of peace in the fertile soil of love. Let them be nourished by the waters of hope-driven action and the light of the rising sun. As the flowers bloom within, let us re-connect with the ground of truth, joy and awareness within us, as we recommit to kindness, empathy, and greater connection to all that which feeds our heart, mind and spirit.

What kind of world do we want to create within and without, for ourselves, our planet, and for future generations? Our choices about who we stand with, what we stand for, what ground we stand on, and what grounds us, will define us. The health of our faith, friends, families and futures depend on our attention to the ground we choose to walk. May we walk it with care, concern and courage.

Join me as I take one small step to ground myself in love, peace, light, lightness and the power of the energy flowing from the earth, again. We can create a better world with a single step. So, what’s stopping us?

Kumud

P.S. Join us in our weekly twitter gathering with the #spiritchat community, Sunday Feb 27 at 9amET / 730pm India. We will check in on each other over tea, cookies, and yes, some questions. Namaste – AjmaniK

Flowers remind me of the importance of staying grounded

On Service and Healing

Tags

healing, purity, purpose, remembrance, service, walking

By the time I completed my one or so hour’s weekly Friday morning walk on the trail, the landscape had changed considerably. The sun had risen higher in the sky above the trees, the shadows were shorter, the trail was brighter.

Let me go back to the start of the walk. A flock of migrating geese had laid claim to part of the trail’s entrance, which made me navigate a longer path than usual. Fair enough. They were there first, and they needed to feast on the grass more than I needed to walk on it! They did yield a bit of ground when they saw me, but I could sense from some honking that they were none too happy about it.

A few minutes into circling the pond, I saw a blue heron fly over with silent, effortless grace. It must have seen me coming, and as usual, wanted nothing to do with any human this early in the morning. A short while later, I managed to stir a gaggle of mallard ducks off of the pond. I was now three of three in managing to disturb three different sets of birds in a span of a few minutes. I surely wasn’t serving or healing them in any way today!

And yet, I felt my engagement with them, wordless as it was, serving me on this day as I processed some of my memories and emotions from twenty years ago. The highest example of service set by the first responders, fire fighters, police, medical personnel and thousands of others on that day is part of American history. Never to be forgotten. They served because they were compelled to answer the calls, and many paid with their lives for it. A lot of them, their families and friends, are still suffering, processing their grief and healing from that day.

As I continue my walk, I feel a sense of gratitude sweep over me for the fact that I was a witness to their acts of service. A sense of healing followed from the awareness that every one who served someone on that day became part of that history. The good karma of their service, and the healing that it effected, is forever embedded in their hearts and the hearts of those they served. Such is the nature of all acts of kindness, of goodness, of service to others — they all purify the server’s heart in ways big and small. Healing follows for the server and the recipient.

And so, I continue to walk the path because I have been inspired by so many who have oriented my heart towards an awareness to serve, to heal, and be healed in the process. I may not be able to serve everyone that I may come across – and just like the three sets of birds, I may even annoy them, but never mind that. I know that opportunities to serve will keep unfolding. I know that if I keep waking, walking and seeking, then it shall be given.

The Bhagavad Gita and many other scriptures say — Purify the heart through service or Seva and all the treasuries of truth, awareness and bliss shall be opened to you. That’s my inspiration to serve. I hope you find yours.

Kumud

P.S. Join in for our weekly virtual walk and Twitter gathering in #SpiritChat – Sunday September 12 at 9am ET / 630pm India. We will serve tea and cookies, and heal together. Namaste – @AjmaniK

Serving and healing the community by planting new flowers…

On Bridges and Spirituality

Tags

bridges, connections, courage, freedom, healing

I decided that I was going to walk farther than ever before along my recently discovered walking trails around the lake. I figured that I would go as far around the circle that I was allowed, and then have to double-back on my path. It would be a good opportunity to view the morning interplay of light, water, sky, birds and trees from both directions — going clockwise and counter-clockwise.

What I hadn’t accounted for was that I would be presented with an invitation at the three-quarter mark around the circle. It was lying hidden among the tall grasses, in a shallow formed by the meeting of two down-slopes on either side of a moist stream bed. Perhaps the smallest of bridges I have ever encountered — one that a tall person like me would even leap over.

The invitation of the bridge created a decision point, an opportunity. Do I abandon my original plan to double-back and experience the trail from both directions, or do I accept, cross over, complete the circle and engage a different experience in that space and time?

We often encounter such ‘bridge experiences’ in our lives. Bridges tend to hold a fascination for most humans engaged in exploration and discovery, because they represent new possibilities. A bridge need not necessarily be a physical entity – far from it. People and practices, and their ability to facilitate new connections can serve as bridges too.

In many ways, music, art, dance, painting, sewing, hiking, reading, meditating, day-dreaming, sky-watching, cloud-spotting, gardening — name your favorite — can become a bridges. When we accept the invitation of any experience that transports us into a realm that creates sustainable silence, stillness, peace, we become a ‘bridge person’, don’t we?

And yet, we often refuse the invitation of bridges. Fear and uncertainty make us reluctant to build them, to cross over them, or invite others to cross with us. We often choose to double-back and keep reworking our well-trodden paths, rather than engage the ‘new bridge’ experiences, no matter how small the leap or crossing may be. What can help us accept the invitation?

Remembrance that faith, courage and grace are our friends can help us be bridges for others. When we experience our ability to help people in small ways, we gain spiritual strength. When we accept the help of those who have crossed before us, we open our heart to the light. In making small bridge choices, we plant the seeds of bigger crossings.

We are almost home. It’s time to take the leap, to cross over. Are you ready? Let’s walk.

The smallest of bridges, can set us free…

A Spirit of Acceptance

Tags

acceptance, healing, knowing, knowledge, pain, remembrance, suffering

ery time I tried to come out of it, I kept falling back into the light – that’s what happened multiple times as I tried to emerge from the morning meditation session. It was a bit like the oceans current pulling you back as you try to come ashore after a swim. I did not resist the pull of the light. Every time I was pulled back, I emerged a bit lighter as a result. 

It was a good thing that this happened on a Saturday morning and I could engage this dance without any time constraints of a work day or a school day. Any other day, and I would have resisted being pulled back or falling back, because I had ‘other things’ to do. Such is the nature of the balance between acceptance and resistance. 

How much time and energy are we willing to give to the clearing of our mind and the opening of our heart? When the messengers of pain and suffering come our way, are we going to be accepting of their messages and sit with them, or are we going to rush them away like unexpected guests at our doorsteps? 

Acceptance has another dimension. Our acceptance of our own beauty, our talents, our abilities and our frailties often meets with internal resistance. At some point in our lives, we all have perhaps had a nagging sense that we are not enough, that we don’t belong, and that we are somehow even deserving of our undue share of pain. Our emotional and mental health suffers as a result. 

One pathway to acceptance of our selves is knowing who we are. This self-knowing is different from the knowledge (about who we are) given to us by others, no matter how well (or ill) intentioned they may be. It is useful to ask the question, and ask it often – who am I in this moment? What is my truth? What am I feeling and where did this feeling come from? And so on.

Eventually, when we have had enough immersions in the answers, we may not need to question any more. We come to realize that we are the ocean, and that our separateness from it is a form of forgetfulness of that knowing. 

Through remembrance, comes the knowing of “I am That”. From knowing, come acceptance. With knowing, we can then stay in the ocean or emerge from it. It does not matter either way, because we are then in constant remembrance that we belong to each other. True healing and helping can then begin.

Kumud

P. S. Join us for our weekly gathering with the #spiritchat community on Twitter, Sunday May 16 at 9am ET / 630pm India. We will talk about acceptance over tea, fruit, flowers and cookies. Namaste – @AjmaniK

The sun crests over the trees on a spring morning…

The Spirit of Goodness

Tags

action, COVID-19, goodness, grief, healing, spirituality, suffering

It is the first of May. Over the last ten days of April, my mind has been all over the place with all that has been happening in India. If my social media feeds are any gauge, a lot of my friends and family are in the same situation. We are all witnessing the pain, the grief, the suffering – some are in the midst of it and others, who are at a distance, are doing whatever they can to offer help and support.

The anger and rage, despair and despondency, seemed to grow exponentially, as the situation deteriorated at a rapid rate. It seemed that almost everyone that I talked to knew someone who was affected in a big or small way by the virus’ spread in India. A lot of folks, including me, were asking – how could this (be allowed to) happen?

It isn’t unusual for us to ask this question when unprecedented pain, suffering, and death is brought upon humanity – how can a loving God (or higher power) allow so many to be subject to all this? How can this be a just outcome? Where is the goodness in all this?

I believe that these are all good questions to ask. I also believe that darkness and dark times can awaken us, remind our hearts of our empathetic nature, and inspire us to yet again focus on creating goodness and healing through our actions.

My belief in goodness is being re-affirmed every day by the same social media streams that are carrying pleas for help. For every individual plea, there seem to be dozens of people stepping up with ideas, resources, messages of hope and prayers. Non-government organizations, faith groups, corporations, and countries are taking action to provide all kinds of resources.

In the midst of the tragedy, when I refocused my mind, my heart began to see an awakening that led to an outpouring of goodness and goodwill towards India and her people. The questioning and blame setting and analysis of ‘what went wrong’ will continue for a while, and yet there is affirmation that goodness of human hearts is alive and well.

Hundreds of pop-up food kitchens. Folks lining up to donate plasma. NGOs creating makeshift hospitals. Doctors creating zoom networks to provide free consultation around the clock across the country. Teenagers creating “GoFundMe” campaigns to raise money for UNICEF India. Healthcare and frontline workers working untold hours at grave personal risk. The list of goodness and good people goes on and on…

What have I learnt? Darkness is an opportunity to create more goodness, or awaken the reservoir that already exists in our heart. We belong to goodness, because we have breathed it through the live of our parents, our caregivers, our well wishers, our friends and family, our spiritual guides and lights, and even the kindness of strangers.

If there is a winning or losing, then Goodness wins. Let us remember, and stay focused on helping the helpers who embody the hearts and hands of the divine.

Namaste,

Kumud

P.S. Join us for our weekly conversation, Sunday May 2 at 9amET / 630pm India. India and I are grateful for your love and grace, and look forward to sharing tea and cookies with you again. – @AjmaniK

Sunrise on a morning walk. April 2021.

On Truth and Reconciliation

Tags

healing, light, reconciliation, spirituality, truth

It’s a mid-winter Saturday morning as I wait for the sun to rise and break the logjam of cloud cover that has been hanging in the sky like a spider hanging on for dear life, precariously at the end of its thread. I am reflecting on today’s morning meditation and the sunlit energy state that it created for my heart — a state that I hope to remember to carry with me through the rest of the day, and evoke when the cloud cover returns within or without.

The events of the week, particularly of Inauguration Day last Wednesday, have flung open the door to a state where speaking the truth is not the exception any more. The calls to ‘end the uncivil war’ and to ‘be brave enough to see the light’ are like balm to the wounds of millions of hearts who are looking for relief from the weight of pain, even grief, that they have been carrying like muse on an uphill mountain trail.

I have told the story before, and yet, in the context of truth and reconciliation bears repeating. It took me the better part of twenty years to tell my mother the truth of how much it hurt that I, the middle child, didn’t grow up with the rest of the family. It took a moment of inspired courage, standing on the balcony of a small apartment watching the sun set, holding our cups of tea, that I opened the door to speak my truth. And, to my pleasant surprise, she spoke hers. It I didn’t take me long to realize that her decision to ask her sister to raise me as a seven year old was the toughest thing she had done at her young age of twenty nine. The two of us speaking our truths to each other that evening, led to many more truthful conversations during the rest of her visit to the USA. By the time she left, I was well on the path to forgiveness and reconciliation.

That conversation was almost thirty years ago. It wasn’t that we didn’t have strong disagreements or great challenges in our relationship in the years since, but we never forgot that speaking and living our own truths, and walking in each other’s shoes with compassion, was our way back to respect, reconciliation and healing. By the time she suddenly passed away a few years back, she had become one of my best friends, confidants and advisors. Even though I continued to question some of her truths, and we had many long phone conversations about them, I never questioned her capacity to love.

What did I learn from my experience? I learnt that we are all capable of truth and reconciliation, and that our heart’s light stands ready to show us the way if we can muster enough courage to heal our wounds and let go of our pain. Is it ever too late to discard shame and blame in favor of civility, candid conversation and co-creation?

The spider doesn’t need to hang by its thread any more. The clouds have parted, the sun has risen, and it’s time to resume weaving the web of love with threads of truth, reconciliation and healing.

Bring your light. We need your courage to heal.

Kumud

P.S. Join us for our weekly conversation, Sunday Jan 24 at 9amET / 730pm India as we discuss some truths. The sun will be rising, I will be pouring tea, and we will walk the light. Namaste – @AjmaniK

Sunrise on the lake – Wednesday, January 20 2021