(the following is a largely unedited ‘live transcription’ of my ‘stream of consciousness thoughts’ spoken during my weekly walk on Friday, April 26 2024. feel free to skip to the last few paragraphs for the ‘making big decisions’ portion. Namaste.)
The beauty of the walk on Friday mornings around the lake never really gets old.
No matter what kind of week you’ve had or whether you slept well the night before or how the morning meditation was or how the weekly session with your coach on Thursday evenings was, the lake never disappoints you.
Today is no different. One would think it would be otherwise, after all these walks that have almost become a ritual at this point every Friday morning.
Somedays the sky is heavily overcast, deterring you, and you have to wear multiple layers just to keep the cold and wetness out of your bones. On other days like today, there is a warm welcoming crystal clear blue sky.
The sun is already almost cresting the trees as you look from a few hundred feet away across the water on your approach and the bird song is a crescendo already. The frost on the grass this morning is being slowly transformed into dew, and a cluster of daffodils are trying to match the golden hue of the sun with their yellowness. You get that familiar feeling in the heart that her arms are open again as if she saying — welcome back my son, a new day has begun.
So many trees are filled with flowers and various shades of whites and light pinks. Some have already fully bloomed and their blooms have already been blown off by the latest storm to become one with the autumn leaves that still linger in the wet soil — they become the new terrain and nourishment for those walk the land.
As I come around the old weathered house that lies about midway in my circling of the pond, I have a decion to make. Do I keep walking the circle, or do I head towards the tangential, narrow stretch that lies between two pieces of the forest? I look down and see very clear hoofmarks of multiple deer that must’ve earlier walked the tangential trail. The freshness of the tracks tells me they’re still around somewhere in the vicinity, keeping out of sight, keeping an eye on me.
I decide to follow their path and try verse the tangent of the terrain, my feet and shoes sinking into the mud, as I get distracted by a single flowering tree on the edge of the path as it is being lit brilliantly now by the sun that is fully cresting the trees. There is no breeze or wind today. There is a stillness both in the water and the air and on the land I stand upon. It is this very same stillness settles that into my heart as I reset my eyes back onto the trail in front of me. I have to walk the edges, no following where the deer walked on the leaves, as it provides better support than the center of the path. The deeper I get into the forest away from the noise of the highway, the quieter and clearer it gets. The birdsong seems to get hushed too. A lot of them must’ve seen me by now, or so I surmise, because they become quieter as I get deeper into the trail.
The bluejay seems to be the exception to the hush as he insists on announcing my approach to his friends and neighbors. As I turn another bend in the trail, I look left to see what is making the rustling noise in the forest. Sure enough, there is a group of three deer in all the whitetailed glory, dashing back towards the trail where I had seen their foot prints in the mud near the beginning of the trail. As I turn around to head back, I could follow them into the thicket to see where where they went, but I’m afraid it is going to be of no avail. I decide to reverse my path to get back to the lake and finish walking its perimeter.
I imagine that it all comes down to the small decisions we make that cumulatively help us make the big decisions. Sometimes by addition, other times by subtraction; sometimes by multiplication, other times by division, they end up contributing to our path. The experiences we have along the way depend on the cocoons we stay in or the broader universe we decide to explore. And so it goes.
Destiny is a big word. Faith is a big word too. So are love, honor, dignity, peace, joy bless, Nirvana and many more. A lot of big words and big decisions face us in life, or it seems. No matter the size and import of the words, we tend to forget that all these words consist of individual letters, small letters, like the small decisions we make on the path as we go.
Do I turn left, do I turn right, or do I stay in the middle. Do I want to work here, do I wanna work there, or do I want to be an entrepreneur? Do I want to change the world, do I want to change myself, or do I just want to walk the now and wait and see what happens? Do I want to ask for help, do I want to go it alone, or do I want to occasionally even tune into the wisdom of the world and the ancients? Do I want to sing out loud and let the intonations of the sounds and the vowels resonate through me as I release them into the world around me, or do I just want to hum them under my breath in response to the light that I feel in my heart?
So many big decisions can be made easier by viewing them as layers of small ones, yes? And so life goes on as we traverse time and space. The causation related to both of them immerses us. And then one day we are walking the trail, focused on the footsteps of those who walked before us , and out of the corner of our eye we see the brilliance of a single tree blooming, and its radiance and pure giving heart stills us.
We pause and wonder — what decisions did the tree make that led it to be where it was blooming and radiant? Or is all its beauty and peace and calmness a result of the decisions made for her by the elements that sustain and grow her? What will she do until the time comes when it is time for her to be one with the very elements that nourish her, and will eventually nourish the next generation of spring?
Kumud
Join us for our weekly gathering and twitter chat, Sunday April 27 at 9amET / 1pmGMT / 630pm India as we reflect on Making Decisions. Tea, fruit and cookies will be served to help us decide on our answers. Namaste ~ @AjmaniK
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